Loud

I had promised myself to stay away from the topic of Iceland for a while and focus on redesigning this tumblelog and uploading my archive of comics interviews. But Jason Kottke and Jonas Moody conspire to bring me back to the subject.

As a short introduction: My name is Baldur Bjarnason. I’m 31. I’ve spent most of the last ten years in the UK but travel back to Iceland three or four times a year and have a lot of friends and family there. A lot of that family are in journalism and media and as a result I’ve had a bit of an inside view of the events of the last ten years in Iceland.

Basically: We fucked up because we were (and are) greedy and stupid.

The scary thing is how much leeway “fans of Iceland” give Iceland and Icelanders when we fuck up and how much undeserved defence we get in the face of criticism.

Michael Lewis wrote a slightly dramatised account of the current state of Iceland for Vanity Fair a while ago: Wall Street on the Tundra.

This is, in my view, the best and most comprehensive overview of the situation in Iceland published both in English and in Icelandic. As a result it is brutal. Michael Lewis even picks up on the warped and fucked up gender dynamics that are endemic to Icelandic society.

Jonas Moody, after writing a puff piece on Iceland a while back, returns to his rah rah cheerleading routine by picking up on what he sees as a few misconceptions in Michael Lewis’ piece.

The logic seems to be along these lines: 1. These things look bad. 2. Icelanders are good. 3. Therefore these things can’t be true.

Unfortunately most of the points Mr. Moody picks up on as not true, are in fact true.

To wit:

“People are hoarding food and cash and blowing up their new Range Rovers for the insurance.”

Jonas says this was not true. Morgunblaðið and the Icelandic National Broadcasting Service (two of Iceland’s leading media institutions) say it was. At least partly. The Central Bank of Iceland almost ran out of printed bills and stores saw record sales in the first days of the crisis as people, yes, hoarded food and cash. Jonas points out that this is stupid so it cannot be true, failing to realise that the Icelandic nation has shown itself not to be the sharpest piece of cutlery in the kitchen utensils donation box. He also glosses over the fact that the owners of said stores promoted hoarding, and thus sales, by spreading stories about impending food shortages. The blowing up of new Range Rovers is a slight over-dramatisation, but not that much over the top given the rise of insurance fraud cases over the last few months.

Iceland’s geothermic water is so hot that when municipal work is being done on the cold-water pipes, sometimes people are “boiled alive” in the shower.

Jonas argues:

Moreover, Reykjavík’s water-utility company says that even if the cold-water pipes are turned off, it’s impossible for the water coming out of a shower to ever exceed 70°C.

Jonas doesn’t know that water hotter than 65°C causes second degree burns. Which, if they come out of a shower will be covering most of the body and be a horrible, horrible, horrible accident that can only be described as being “boiled alive”. Infants are even more susceptible (they can get serious burns at lower temperatures) and geothermic water straight out of the pipes is one of the leading causes of serious infant burns in Iceland. If he’d been following Icelandic media (in Icelandic) for the last ten years he’d know that this is a regular topic of discussion and that the Surgeon General in Iceland regularly warns the public about this. That hot water coming out of a shower won’t exceed 70°C doesn’t mean that it isn’t a health hazard.

Most Icelanders look “mousy-haired and lumpy.”

Hey, some people like mousy-haired and lumpy.

“Icelanders are among the most inbred human beings on earth — geneticists often use them for research.”

Now this is insulting. Icelanders’ DNA shows their roots to be a healthy mix between Nordic Y chromosomes and X chromosomes from the British Isles. The reason genetic-research company deCODE uses Icelandic genes for its research is not because the codes are so homogeneous, but because the population has kept excellent genealogical records dating back thousands of years.

Insulting it may be but deCODE Genetics has mentioned the homogenous gene pool as a research advantage repeatedly in their communications with foreign media and investors. They just don’t highlight it in Icelandic communications that much (although you’ll find references to the fact in the Morgunblaðið newspaper archives) because, hey, it’s a bit insulting.

Insulting but true.

They also don’t highlight things like that they were in negotiations to sell private data to foreign insurance companies or the minor financial scandal involving an official in the Health Ministry.

The chromosomes of the Icelandic nation may be mixed, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t homogenous. Like a glorious purée of two things with absolutely nothing in common, like beef and apples. Or marmite and jam (can you purée jam?).

“There are only about 9 surnames in Iceland.”

There are closer to 1,700 recognized surnames in the national registry.

But only about nine that have substantial and long term historical use. Besides the rest are immigrants or descended from immigrants, which to a lot of Icelanders, means that they aren’t real people. Of course they won’t say this to foreigners, because they’re, like, not Icelandic, but racism and xenophobia are prevalent in Iceland.

“If they fill out a form, they can start their own cult and receive a subsidy.”

Okay, fine: If a religious group is registered with the Icelandic state, it can apply for funding based on the size of its congregation. But the group has to convince a committee — including a university theologist and sociologist — that it is an established organization with cultural or historical roots.

The bar isn’t nearly as high as Jonas makes it out to be. It doesn’t have to be a made up religion. A Christian splinter cult will do nicely and has a lot of precedent.

Now for the most contentious and debatable point, IMO.

The nation has to deal with “elves — in whom some large number of Icelanders, steeped long and thoroughly in their rich folkloric culture, sincerely believe.” Alcoa, an aluminum-smelting multinational with operations outside of Reykjavík, had to “defer to a government expert to scour the enclosed plant site and certify that no elves were on or under it.”

Right. I’ve heard the elf thing mentioned in tired travel articles (normally wedged between paragraphs on the beauty of waterfalls and tips for eating ram testicles), but I personally know no one on this island who believes in elves. Not one. As for Alcoa, their rep believes Lewis is likely referring to a law regarding environmental-impact assessments. The assessment includes an archaeological survey to ensure no important artifacts or ruins are destroyed, and the site’s history is also surveyed to see if it was ever named in any Icelandic folklore. And yes, some of that folklore involves elves. But if you’re going to introduce the notion that some kind of Ministry of Elf Inspection exists within the ranks of the Icelandic government, you might as well also note that we take the Hogwart’s Express to the office every day.

Jonas is right. Almost no Icelander believes in elves. But they also spend gobs of money on working around “elf stones” and such. The Alcoa reference may not have been correct but there are hundreds of construction and roadwork examples he could have used instead and the “elf inspectors” (which do exist) are generally freelance nutters.

One thing that Icelanders (and friends of Iceland) don’t comprehend is that while they view the elf-belief tradition as something akin to pretending that Santa Claus is real, the amount of money it costs makes it look a damn sight similar to ignorant bloody-minded superstition to outsiders.

I really, really didn’t want to start commenting on the state of Iceland again. It’s messed up as it is with the lack of investigation into the criminal activity surrounding the collapsed banks and the lack of accountability for the corruption pandemic that is destroying Icelandic society.

The sad fact is that Jonas Moody and other friends of Iceland pick up on tiny, inconsequential facts in the Vanity Fair piece because they have no answer to the more damning statements and observations of corruption and incompetence that are Michael Lewis’s main point.

I’ll probably regret publishing this post but I’m fed up with the free ride we as a nation have been getting from some circles.

Iceland didn’t just mess up. Icelandic businesses and politicians behaved abominably and many of them continue to behave abominably. These aren’t just mistakes we will learn from but ongoing behaviour that still hasn’t been addressed properly.